THE MESS SEXUAL ASSAULT LEAVES BEHIND
Sometimes I think to myself every after an encounter of whenever men assault me, I wish when they touch my breasts or kiss me forcefully or slap my buttocks or hurt me physically that it does not affect me emotionally or mentally or psychologically. Then maybe the damage is not as bad and I can slap a band aid on those wounds heal those physical scars and move along just fine. If wishes were horses, all beggars would ride! The continuous assault makes you numb and the victims start wishing maybe I should have left him to finish the job and maybe that excruciating pain would eventually kill me. Maybe if I hadn’t decided to wear these shoes I would have run faster or been lighter on my feet. Yes! There are a thousand “maybe’s” and “what ifs” after every assault and within these you question everything to the simplest detail of your day because in your mind you’re trying to figure out what exactly attracted them to me?? Was it the hair? Maybe I should cut it. But what if they like their victims bald? These kinds of thoughts are always overwhelming and not many people are strong enough to share them, or overcome them, or even sieve through the pile. The causes of abuse and rape are abusers and rapists!! It has got nothing to do with the victims NOTHING.
You know what’s interesting???? It’s the fact that these predators do not even know they are predators because to them the things they do are normal to them. And God forbid you should mention it to them or try to help them overcome it.
Sexual assault and rape are very awful situations to subject anyone or anything to because even after four years or months or decades you will hear a story being told about another victim and as you listen, you listen as the victim the story resonates with you so well you barely catch the name of the actual victim because you recall vividly how it happened to you. These experiences make you hate your body to the extent that you cannot look at yourself in the mirror because every time you see that reflection staring back at you, you’re thinking I’m soiled or damaged goods the trauma just keeps piling on. Your body becomes a prison where your mind is trapped but then when your friends look at you they see a perfect body. When you tell them you can’t do something because you have body insecurity, they can’t understand how or why and honestly?? You cannot blame them because they’re not the cause of the trauma or the reason you feel trapped. To them you’re stunning, gorgeous, beautiful, a queen, name it. Today we have summarised the aftermath of sexual assault and rape because this is not even the tip of the iceberg. Next time we shall talk about solutions.
BY KEMIGISA MARIA