In August, I woke up sad, the feeling of grief weighed heavy on my chest. My throat felt constricted and I looked for who would help me through the situation. I sensed that tears would soon follow. I racked my brain to pinpoint the cause of this grief but to my dismay, I couldn't. 

Would I be trapped in darkness again? And for how long this time?

Would it consume me? Eat me alive as it had done before in the past? 

How long would this unidentifiable sorrow linger in my body? These questions spun around inside my mind and the fear they evolved only led me to a state of anxiety.

This was the situation that was eating me up, faced up with conflicting loyalties of which I considered both to be most important. Either to choose myself or the people around me who in turn weren't concerned about my mental health. Everyone of us has some people or something that we don't want to lose and even feel we can't live without not even dreaming of losing them  because that's the worst nightmare. So this was me, I was choosing to sacrifice my happiness for the sake of people like these and they weren't concerned about my happiness and this instead buried me into more depression and ended up losing my mind and peace. I felt like I was losing my everything but I remembered that trees at times lose their leaves but still stand and wait for better seasons. This only gave me the vigour to carry out a decision that would fill me with the happiness that I really deserved and not getting it from other people. Perhaps I had to choose my mental health. This opened my eyes to a lot of people out there who have continued to depend on others for their own good just like parasites do. But This is bad. 

Life is a greater leveler and staying happy as a person should not be a burden, it should be a choice that no matter what comes, we will face it with a smile and as humans, when it comes to acceptance of circumstances and conditions, we are not ready always to welcome and accept them , we keep eating the rotten tomatoes in hope that we will eat the fresh ones tomorrow. That day never comes, and we never enjoy the fresh tomatoes. And in this way, we should all learn to make the right decisions.These might look difficult but they are not impossible. They will hurt us in the short run but will prepare us for better in due time.

This all continued to move me in the world of understanding that each one of us Is facing trials that can't be understood by everyone but our souls alone. And we have all suffered at some point in our lives, we feel like we don't have any escape route to take but being our own safe places.  It's only in our darkest hours of our lives that we shine the most , the rain teaches us not to hide but to shine in places we don't belong. Our true potentials work well when things are odd and the most pleasing moments of life come from the most painful events, sometimes the blurry images are the most beautiful. And should always remember that the people with a bitter past make the most beautiful future.

Darkness and light are discrete just like happiness and sadness, but when discomfort and sadness take up our space, that's when we hear the term “let it go".  This is not and has never been easier but we should always remember that some colours are darker than they appear. Some nights are longer than others and hope is the glue that helps us always. Between black and white, there are 50 fifty shades of grey, it's different every day, every hour. The most you can do at such a time is to understand suffering and happiness have a very thin line, and they often meet, even nights and days meet and we cannot really do anything about them but to believe that though it is not easy letting go, but it is not impossible and just because it is tough doesn't mean that it is a bad choice.

Every process towards healing from our traumas should be enjoyed because there will be no better day than today, the ifs and buts, ups and downs are there to make us feel alive but not make us lose our true sense of happiness. If you have to take the hardest steps , don't ever be hesitant because of the temporary comfort. Happiness is a tough decision but don't ever depend on someone's mood , choose your life ,if they are ready to give up on you, you can choose to let it go. In the end it's about the choices that matter when it gets tough, only tough people get going. One thing that I have learned in life is that nothing is the end , the river keeps flowing. We may feel dark around ourselves,but there is always light waiting for us . Never be afraid of the nights for it gets dark before the sun rises and the night is not afraid of anything, it stays there.

I want you to believe that life is full of colours, black is not the only colour. There are seasons and every season is of a small period, keep knowing that. I want you to know that you are not alone in this journey to happiness. A lot of us too are fighting to understand life and happiness, it's not easy. It will take time but I want to tell you that it gets better, it takes time but the fruits ripe . The tough days are shaping your future, accept whatever has happened as the past , think about the future alone . 

You will again enjoy the moonlighting and rain . You will again be excited for the next morning.

You are everything, you are a vibe of hope . Your smile brings happiness. You blossom like a flower. Your word contains hope for the hopeless. Your heart is strong enough, you have faced so much in life that you understand how to face storms. 

Your beautiful heart is your strength, the way you feel about others is what makes you stand differently from everyone, and if you have to stand there alone for some time, don't be afraid for the night is not afraid of anything.

I just hope you discover yourself, the kind of happiness that exists in your own terms. I hope you truly take the time to figure out what makes you, what you want out of life and I hope you have the courage to chase that. I hope you have the courage to believe that you are deserving of everything you deserve. You have a fire inside of you - and learn to be kind to yourself. Don't wait to be validated by someone, learn to let go of anything that doesn't deserve to stay with you. 

You are a complete mirror. Know there is a version of you somewhat in the future, and that version is waiting to congratulate you for the battles that you are fighting at the moment. Thanks for not giving up.