GRIEF

“How long will you be grieving, there is more to life , life should go on really,” someone once said to me. Maybe he was right, I don’t know but one thing I know is one shouldn’t define how long you should grieve or cry over the loss of a loved one. Death will only feel real to someone only when they have also lost someone dear to them.
Grief is a state when one responds to loss, particularly to the loss of someone to whom a bond or affection was formed. Other words people usually use are mourning and bereavement.

Grief comes with a lot of mixed emotions, you don’t just know how to feel. You feel there is no reason to smile or laugh . It can leave someone drained and confused. The biggest challenge with loss of a loved one is DENIAL. The victim lives in denial that is to say failure to believe that the person has actually died. You feel like maybe it’s a dream that you will eventually wake up from. You feel this way constantly even when you look at the person’s pictures and belongings. The pain is totally draining . You wish you could see them one more time and tell them exactly how you feel about them but it’s all impossible now. All you are left with are memories. The memories that play out like a sad movie, you see the person in the last places you were with them, you hear the sound of their laughter in your head, see them smile and it just doesn’t feel real. It comes with endless crying and headaches. On some occasions even nightmares and the fear of maybe seeing this person as a ghost if those actually exist. The emptiness is real and nothing can fill up that space. The questions without answers will definitely be so many and there is no one to take you through. Life sometimes hits us so hard with situations that will even make us question if we still have reason to live and one of them is death of a loved one. I don’t know if there is anything that hurts more than this.

Healing can take forever to be honest. You will wake up okay today and time even elapses but just one day it hits all over again and you find yourself breaking down . It’s alright to not be okay even when you though you were getting better or was already okay. The first step to healing is acceptance and celebration of the good memories once shared. Acceptance is most definitely hard but sometimes it’s the way to go . We always need to find ways to make ourselves feel better even after the worst has happened, keeping around people is healthy , they can be a good distraction. Also you can find activities that will keep you busy as you go through such a hard time. Talking about things has a way of doing magic, talk to people you trust and are close to you, people that actually make you feel better. You can tell them exactly how you feel. Avoid keeping in your own cage, it could cause depression. If the pictures or items that belong to the deceased remind you so much of them, you can put them away as a way of drawing closer to healing. Listen to music that brings out less of sad emotions in you. Read books too so as to bring distraction. And in such a period (ongoing Pandemic) you can choose to stay away from social media for a while because certain situations that are displayed on the internet have a way of taking us back into pain. *Above all *PRAY to God for strength and total healing. Pray for that healing until you feel much better. God will surely give it you.**
And for those comforting, be careful with the choice of words. Statements like “I know how you feel,” Don’t say them. You can never know the connection or bond between people so you will never know how they feel. Sometimes you don’t have to say much, you may just be there , check on them or just listen when they speak about how they feel. Treat them with kindness and compassion. It’s all that everyone deserves in trying moments.

May the souls of the faithfully departed rest in eternal peace. Amen

NANKYA JOSEPHINE